Dearest Mommy,
I hope everything is going well at home! It’s been two whole months, but it feels like just yesterday I was on our couch in your arms, watching Golden Girls for the fiftieth time and loving every minute of it.
Things are going well over here, for the most part. I’m getting three meals a day, eight hours of sleep, and I’ve made a new best friend. His name is D. Linkwent, and he’s shown me so many cool things. I now know how to floss (the dance, not my teeth, MOM, please be cool), flip my cap backwards, and blow bubbles with my gum. He even said that you can tie your shoes without a double knot… why didn’t you tell me, Mom? You said they just sometimes come undone…
What a whirlwind!! I don’t want to alarm you and Papa, but I’ve been experimenting with some new substances. There’s something here called the Coca-Cola Freestyle Machine, and boy, is it wild! Let’s just say, Diet Coca-Cola Creme Soda and Diet Coca-Cola Tropical are an unstoppable pair. 🙂
There’s something I should confess… I did a bad thing. I stayed up past midnight last Saturday. I was in a total flow state in Butler, and I couldn’t stop working on my discussion post! I hate to say it, but there’s more. My pen is shaking as I write this… it really pains me… well, I’ll just come out with it: I got high that same night. I didn’t even realize it as it was happening. Somehow, some way, someone must have switched the diet and full sugar streams in the Freestyle Machine. I was running laps around campus and giggling uncontrollably before I realized what had happened. I’m so ashamed. 🙁I am already craving my next hit…
On second thought, things are kinda getting out of hand. Maybe you could come pick me up next week?
I love you so, so, so much! And I miss you like crazy!
Your Most Cherished Tater Tot
