In an effort to reduce food waste, Columbia Dining announced that in the coming months they will be replacing all dining hall “hand fruit” with wax replicas. Bananas, apples, oranges—you name it, will undergo a paraffin transformation. Highly realistic, extremely durable, and equal in nutrient value, the wax replicas exhibit brighter, more vibrant versions of their counterparts. Now the banana that’s been sitting in your backpack will remain perfectly ripe forever.
During The Fed’s interview with Chef Tussaud, he led us into the dimly-lit basement, where he was carving a human-sized wax figure of a dining hall worker to man the entryway. “We just figured while we were at it, we should probably replicate as much stuff as possible,” he explained. By 2046, he plans to eliminate all food waste by replacing food, staff, students, buildings, and the little mints they keep in baskets but act really stingy when you grab a handful, with one-to-one wax-replicas.The Fed sought comment from Columbia Eco Reps President, Bea Greene, who approves of the initiative, “I’m just glad Columbia is finally doing something about their massive carbon footprint. Let’s hope it doesn’t get too hot this summer!”
