After the historic announcement that President Biden will not seek reelection after months of concern regarding his mental state, Democratic Party members shifted to their next elderly target: Columbia’s 114-year-old lion mascot…
Sometimes, at school, it feels like I’m constantly falling behind. I forget to turn in assignments, sleep through my classes, and pull constant all-nighters to barely scrape by on my endless midterms.…
BREAKING–In an innovative and exciting move, Columbia announced that in accordance with the leap year, Columbia has decided to make this semester a “Leap Semester.” The university will be adding a week…
Dear Fed, Every year when winter break rolls around, I always get excited that the best time of year has finally arrived: writing CULPA reviews. After all the suffering I’ve gone through…
Tired of shivering under a single layer of fancy clothes while your group tries their best to turn painful, chattering grimaces into smiles? Well worry not, my friend, because this year, College…
As the semester has entered its waning days, the Columbia administration has announced a bold new policy that will condense finals week into a “finals day.” The statement read as follows: “It…
Need a spooky Columbia-themed Halloween costume? The Fed has got you covered this year with our top five spookiest costumes for this halloween season at Columbia. Dress up as PrezBo’s ghost! That’ll…
New rumors are beginning to circulate that Columbia’s 20th president, Minouche Shafik, has resigned after a brief appearance at a Halloween party on Carman floor 7. Reports say that Shafik decided to…
Ever since my freshman year, I’ve had a special romance with JJ’s Place. In all my times of direst need, I was able to head down there, sweat my head off in…
After seeing the enormous crowds of students eager to join the Silent Disco event on Low Steps earlier this semester, the Columbia Football team has boldly proclaimed that their last game was…
