President Trump signed an executive order earlier this month which proclaimed the water pressure of shower heads to be “too damn soft,” something which he demands must change. While we at The…
“Hey little bud! Let’s move away from there haha… no eggs in the car, buddy! Here, let’s play hot-and-cold – you’re freezing cold! Let’s go back to Mommy, maybe there are some…
Each year of my life, I’ve looked forward to the beginning of April like a kid looks forward to presents on Christmas Day. And no, it’s not because of the idiotic, childish…
Due to Barnard’s recently publicized debt troubles, administrators have been searching for any easy cost-cutting measures to take to potentially ease the financial burden facing the school. This week, Barnard administrators finally…
BREAKING—According to a new email from CUIT, Columbia Housing’s internal electronic database experienced a complete blackout late last night. “Our technicians are working around the clock to try to restore this system,”…
At a time of peak winter-weather cuddles, Punxsutawney Phyllis has kicked husband Phil to the couch due to the recent warm, specifically spring, weather. TMZ reports that Phil has been “out of…
From: A Loyal Reader By Oliver Green Fantastic! Enchanting! Delightful! Erm, ok I thought the deal was I’d just do “Fed” and get out of here, but that’s alright… Elegant! Really uh……
In anticipation of the holidays, a joint research publication from the Stanford University and Columbia University Psychology Departments unveiled that a mere 34% of American uncles fell above one standard deviation from…
After a long, warm autumn season, I was finally feeling ready for the winter cold to set in. I had always enjoyed bundling up in a cozy winter coat, walking around and…
Our readers wrote in to ask questions of The Fed’s resident boy supergenius: Caleb Brooks, age 4, IQ of 280, from Lincoln, Nebraska. Q: Dear Caleb the boy supergenius, Sometimes when I’m…
