In response to the news, Associate Director of Residential Life Scott Helfrich told the Federalist: “The safety of our undergraduate students is our top concern. But if students decide to act irresponsibly…
Formerly Politically Oppressed Student from Mississippi Breaks Fingers after Snapping too Much
by Anonymous
Thorpe’s fingers finally gave out, breaking last week in the middle of ADP Open Mic Night. Doctors speculate that significant damage was also incurred during his favorite class, Literature and Intersectional Feminism.…
In the beginning of March in her sophomore year, she has scheduled an existential meltdown about her direction in life."…
The Cockroach Union leaders report that not even a nuclear holocaust will stop their efforts.…
Reveal concerning emotional trauma in a creative writing workshop and then cry into your professor’s arms.…
Hailing from St. Cloud, Minnesota, Wilson proceeded to sit down and tell his coastal friends “how darn freezing it was back home.”…
“Now that I am here, though I’ve faced unspeakable acts of discrimination. So far, my below-average intelligence, glossy hair, and AmEx Black in my father’s name have been enough to carry me…
“If he isn’t the heir to a wildly successful American corporation, then why does he have so many pairs of leather Chelsea boots?”…
“Fuck, there’s probably more.”…
Quarters: Players attempt to bounce quarters into a shot glass. If they miss, they give the quarter to the nearest woman until the wage gap is closed.…
