Students Unsure if Classmate is Rich or Just French

BUTLER LIBRARY — Following a campus wide survey, students and administration alike remain puzzled as to whether Phillippe Bonaforte CC ‘21 is very wealthy or just French.

Bonaforte, a 6’1” brown haired man with a sparse goatee, was last seen smoking outside Butler Library, standing in a circle of 5 men with identical features.

“When I saw his extremely tight black jeans, I thought Phillippe was a regular rich kid from LA or something,” said Jane Doe SEAS ‘19. “But he threw me for a loop when I realized he was wearing a Montcler hat.”

Bonaforte’s suitemates have commented that he is never there on the weekends. “He only parties at clubs downtown,” said Bonaforte’s suitemate Kyle McKinney. “He also never eats at the dining hall, just dimly lit restaurants in SoHo.”

The only times anyone sees Bonaforte in Ferris is when they are serving crepes. “I saw him walk right to the front of the line. It was like he owned the place. He didn’t even turn around to see the annoyed looks behind him,” said Molly Gallagher CC ‘20.

“I thought he was one of us,” said Exeter grad and Greenwich, CT native Andrew Williams. “But now I’m just confused. If he isn’t the heir to a wildly successful American corporation, then why does he have so many pairs of leather Chelsea boots?”

“If only I could get close enough to hear him speak, I’d be able to figure it out” added a clearly frustrated Williams.

“Even if Phillippe is French,” said Columbia Admissions officer Traci Weir, “admission for international kids isn’t need blind. So he’s probably still rich.”