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Arts and Culture/On Campus

“A Cappella is So Lame” Says Three-Time A Cappella Reject

by Eliza Heath
January 4, 2022January 3, 2022

LERNER HALL — When asked by a friend if he would be going to the Columbia Clefhangers’ end-of-semester concert this past weekend, Josh Carleton, CC ‘24, shocked and appalled the second floor…

Arts and Culture

The Fed’s Odes to Winter Accessories

by Izzy Szyfer and Sloane Goldberg
January 1, 2022January 3, 2022

This Is Just to Say I have eaten the Canada Goose that was in your closet…

On Campus/Style

Canada Goose Secret Society Plotting to Eradicate North Face Proletariat

by Matthew Nola and Nikhil Mehta
December 31, 2021December 31, 2021

BUTLER LIBRARY — Dim lights flicker through the tunnels beneath Butler Library at 3:00 am. Whispers fill the corridors—they seem to be coming from behind the walls, but one cannot tell exactly…

Arts and Culture

Exclusive: Auguste Rodin Reveals “The Thinker” Is Just Constipated

by Benjamin Scherzer
December 23, 2021December 26, 2021

In a recent interview with the Federalist’s art correspondent, Auguste Rodin reflected on the self-important over-sophistication that the art world has assigned to his work. “They make everything about the human condition,”…

Arts and Culture

Haikus by Turkeys Before They Died

by Elizabeth Meyer
November 24, 2021December 12, 2021

I am a happy Turkey so happy I am Alive. Life is good. I have found myself. I have manifested good life. I think not of death. Everything sparks joy Farmer gives…

Pop Culture

Class of 2002 Disavows Jake Gyllenhaal

by Benjamin Scherzer
November 13, 2021November 13, 2021

David Russel, senior class president for the 2001-2002 school year, broke down in tears after hearing “All Too Well (10 Minute Version)(Taylor’s Version)(From The Fault)” and resolved to take action. “I couldn’t…

Style

Hottest Group Costumes for Halloween 2021

by Matilda Darragh-Ford, Lauren Unterberger and Mollie Schmidtberger
October 31, 2021November 15, 2021

Common Allergens When you walk into the club, all eyes will be on you. And those eyes will be watery as fuck. Splash some pet dander and dust mites on a cute…

Pop Culture/PrezBo

Prezbo Dresses Up as Ellen for Halloween, No One Can Tell He’s in Costume

by Benjamin Scherzer and Katherine St. George
October 31, 2021November 15, 2021

On Monday, Columbia University President Lee C. Bollinger announced via an email his “dissatisfaction and disappointment” with students’ lack of reaction to his recent display of Halloween spirit. What was thought to…

Advice/Style

List of Couples Costumes You Can Do By Yourself

by Matilda Darragh-Ford, Lauren Unterberger and Mollie Schmidtberger
October 31, 2021September 14, 2022

Fork and Spoon = Spork  Yellow and blue crayon = green crayon  Cord and socket = dongle Two halves of an Avocado = whole Avocado  Salt and pepper = Everything-but-the-Bagel seasoning  Bride…

Books/On Campus

Following Success of Choke, Barnard President Sian Beilock announces upcoming books Gag and Touch That Lil’ Dangly Thing That Swing in the Back of My Throat

by Zoe Vogelsang
October 24, 2021November 5, 2021

Following the success of her book Choke: The Secret to Performing Under Pressure, a look into the psychology behind why we often seem to perform the worst when the stakes are the…

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