The academic community was rocked this week after Columbia University was outed across multiple “Are We Dating the Same Guy?” Facebook groups, with heavy-hitters like the University of Wisconsin-Madison, Harvard, Vagelos College,…
In an unprecedented move, the Merriam-Webster dictionary has pre-emptively declared “lowkirkenuinely” to be the 2026 Word of the Year. The designation, which is normally awarded in December, was decided in an emergency…
On February 26th, at 10:00 AM ET, my current “Inside the Situation Room” professor, who also happens to be former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, testified before the House Oversight Committee…
With Passover falling on April 1st this year, wicked sons across the country are taking the opportunity to prank the absolute shit out of their dumbfuck simple son brothers during their Passover…
This week, the student body flocked back to campus after a week-long vacation. But something immediately felt… different. Student Hugh Jass Forehead was sporting a brand-new look. Following his frat’s trip to…
MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS — British rapper Fakemink, announced yesterday as the headliner for Columbia University’s annual Bacchanal concert, told reporters Wednesday that he was “not familiar” with the institution, adding that he “figured…
This week, The Fed interviewed students around campus about their spring break plans. One student, senior Otto D. Loop, asked our reporters if they thought he should be starting to get at…
After FBI Director Kash Patel was seen in Milan partying with the US Men’s Hockey Team following their historic win at the Olympics, eagle-eyed viewers spotted another familiar face in the background…
May this year bring you happiness, prosperity, and a relentless desire to bring up shit from the past and dissect it until you go blue in the face. In this new year,…
In this economy, desperate job applicants are often forced to apply skills to areas they may not have initially expected. Skills in the humanities might be applied to work in a coffeeshop,…
