The academic community was rocked this week after Columbia University was outed across multiple “Are We Dating the Same Guy?” Facebook groups, with heavy-hitters like the University of Wisconsin-Madison, Harvard, Vagelos College, London School of Economics, and more, reporting their presidents having been snatched away by Columbia. Users of the page reported Columbia University as not only constantly hopping from one president to another, but also tending to discard their partners quite often and frequently. “It love-bombed my ex completely,” said The London School of Economics, still visibly shaken. “Showed up in the middle of our date, mentioned something about ‘interdisciplinary collaboration,’ next thing I know, she was on her way to New York.”
The post, which has since garnered over 4,000 reactions and a comments section described by witnesses as “genuinely unhinged,” alleged that Columbia University has cycled through four separate situationships in the past five years alone, with each one characterized by the same pattern of long-distance-low-commitment-no-labels-situationships.
President Claire Shipman, who asked to remain anonymous before immediately identifying herself, confirmed she had experienced something similar. “We were texting constantly. It seemed so engaged. And then one day: nothing. I checked the New York Times, and Columbia had already moved on. Didn’t even get a courtesy press release.”
Vagelos College of Physicians and Surgeons, which shares its campus (and president) with Columbia, described the situation as “particularly painful.”
“We literally live together,” Vagelos said. “They just stole my president. Do you know what that does to a person?”
Columbia University did not respond to requests for comment, which sources say is “extremely on brand.” At the time of release, Columbia University has been spotted “loving” MIT’s President Kornbluth’s most-recent LinkedIn post.
