Fresh off of landmark careers of blocking, stalling, and haggling their way to the front of the national stage, Senators Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema have become Columbia University’s newest hires. “We…
“Was I hoping to be president? Sure. But as anyone who knows me can attest, I’ve always said, ‘If I can’t be president, then I’d want to be a dead ghost roaming…
Trump’s inability to take on the Hazing in 2017, after Obama joined the Accords in 2016, previously cost the US membership. Sources have relayed that he proved himself to be “a bit…
Cruz, a notable Zodiac Killer impersonator who is a little too good at his job, told Federalist reporters he had a really really good reason for his vacation. (Our reporters would have…
Econ-cardio atrophius: Nearly all of Columbia’s econ majors suffer from this devastating condition wherein the act of consistently subordinating the needs of society to personal wealth causes the heart to atrophy. Common…
The singer wrote, “I’m in the studio working on something special after today’s assault on democracy.” As this terrorist schemes up “something special,” D.C. residents are preparing for the worst.…
If you chose C: You’re edgy. You’re different. You stand out from the crowd. You don’t follow the trends, which is why a cool, reflective Canada Goose parka would be the perfect…
But their maple syrup-sweet dreams began to crumble as soon as they crossed the border. Mr. Buckley said he first felt the sick feeling in his stomach when the border agent made…
“Who wants Covid?” Trump blurted to the packed lot as he tossed his mask into the crowd with a cheeky grin. Joining Trump on stage via video-link from the U.S. Department of…
Keep driving your gas-guzzling Lexuses and running the AC with the windows open, because if we keep up the good work, we can expect a big blue wave to flood coastlines across…
