On election night, New Yorkers rejoiced in the victory of Democratic candidate Zohran Mamdani as the city’s next mayor-elect. After the terror of Andrew Cuomo’s gubernatorial reign and former mayor Eric Adams’…
Following his unprecedented loss in the New York City mayoral election, Republican nominee and local icon Curtis Sliwa has announced his next venture: serving as a nude model for Columbia University art…
In the wake of myriad changes to the government and general functioning of the nation made by the Trump Administration, President Donald Trump has announced a modification to the fifty-star American flag,…
After rows of College Walk trees were torn down last semester, the fate of Columbia’s annual tree-lighting ceremony has been uncertain. That is, until Interim President Shipman announced a new tradition to…
In a shocking turn of events, President Donald Trump has been spotted at a Washington, D.C. chapter of Young Democratic Socialists of America (YDSA). This came as a surprise to most, as…
Watch out, New York! Democratic socialist Zohran Mamdani has just been elected mayor in a landmark campaign for the Democratic Party. New Yorkers all around the city raise a glass tonight to…
Following an agreement with Daddy Donald to carry out a comprehensive evaluation of their admissions practices, Columbia has finally released the results of their audit. Findings include a 39% international student enrollment…
Following the never-ending search for a Columbia president, the Board of Trustees is proud to announce that the search is over! Hallelujah! “I was walking through campus at golden hour, thinking about…
According to a tip from Public Safety employee Al Lydsikirity, the University’s campus-wide mask ban sure stirs up some trouble around Halloween. Al explained to The Fed that the policy was a…
MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN: This past Monday, when students in Columbia’s School of International and Public Affairs (SIPA) awoke to check their inboxes, instead of the usual slurry of job rejections and political…
