Neil Gorsuch is distinctly not dead. However, his legacy of The Fed takes up enough of my time and sanity that I must question his inadvertent influence on my life. I’m becoming…
Harris Campaign Accidentally Hired Social Media Manager Who Just Awoke from 2013 Coma
Presidential candidate Kamala Harris’ social media campaign seems to have taken a different direction recently, drawing attention to her newest social media team member, a “Mrs. Styles.” Her latest additions to the…
BREAKING: Exclusive Poll Reveals 99% of Undecided Mail-In Voters Just Can’t Seem to Find a Pen Anywhere
According to newly released data from the Pew Research Center, 99% of undecided voters who haven’t yet filled out their mail-in ballots for the 2024 Presidential Election “just can’t seem to find…
Shrubland speaks out! In an exclusive interview with The Federalist, Chaparral Biome – known for her hot, dry summers and cool, wet winters – has distanced herself from fellow celebrity Chappell Roan.…
PSA TO CURRENT COLUMBIA STUDENTS: As tensions on campus heighten and the administration furthers their crackdown on student groups, guests on campus, and security protocols, it’s essential that you, as a student,…
Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s presidential campaign may have officially ended, with the candidate even endorsing Donald Trump, but for some, RFK Jr. is still the man to beat. Today, we sat down…
I finally did it. I stuck it in for the first time. And by it, I mean my absentee ballot–I stuck it into the mailbox. (Get your head out of the gutter,…
A staggering new study has confirmed a long-standing concern in the Columbia community—one of these dorky little assholes is, indeed, the next Barack Obama. Columbia’s proud history of accomplished and influential alumni…
REVEALED: Armstrong Chosen As President Because Board Wanted Someone Who Could Hold Them
Shortly after the Fed famously broke the news of now-ex-President Minouche Shafik’s resignation, Dr. Katrina Armstrong of the Vagelos Medical School was announced as the new President of Columbia University. Now, newly-leaked…
Justice Gorsuch. Neil. Nelly. Dad. There is no easy way for me to put this, so I’m just going to come right out and say it. You have a son. It wasn’t…