Little Johnny, CC ‘29, had only heard the legend of Baroness Nemat Shafik when he was accepted into Columbia. Shafik was just a faded myth, the big bad wolf of generations past.…
Oh, I get it now. So when the university displaces local businesses and homes to expand our educational capabilities, and I suppose our modest real estate portfolio, it’s worth years of protests…
President Armstrong has reportedly been what many call “a little too excited” about the Minouche Shafik Halloween costume she recently put together at Party City. Many of her known associates have reported…
A new USNews report released on Sunday revealed Columbia’s rise in USNews’ specialized rankings, reportedly due to recent data releases regarding the employment statuses of past university presidents. Over the last three…
The Royal Guard requirements will be strict: each recruit must be under 5’6 in recognition of Columbia’s shortest presidential run. Long live the Baroness! …
PRESIDENT SHAFIK IS GONE. WE BEAT SPEC TO TELLING YOU. TIMES ARE A’CHANGIN. NO NEED FOR MORE SPEC-FED FRISBEE GAMES, WE WIN BABYYYYY…
In a leaked letter to faculty and staff from Baroness Shafik and the Board of Trustees, The Fed has discovered the real reason why campus has closed and commencement has been canceled. …
Earlier today, it was discovered that Columbia University had canceled its main commencement ceremony, which typically takes place on the Morningside campus from Butler lawns to Low Library. Major media outlets such…
Given the high tensions on campus and the recent lockdown of Columbia’s Morningside campus, Columbia and Barnard administrators are done with their facades of “dialogue” and “student safety.” In a joint statement,…
Tags: #columbiauniversityau #collegeau #holidayromance #yn #youngminouche #ageappropriateromance It was a chilly morning on Columbia’s campus when you awoke in your twin XL bed. You turned over to see if your roommate was…
