Last week, I found myself at the end of my rope. The excitement of my newly-finalized PoliSci minor was dampened by my inability to answer a cold call from former University President…
There was a gland. I am that gland. I work all day, all night. A rueful life, I know I’m damned I’ve no hope of respite. Ev’ry wipe brings pitiful pain. I…
Drinking the green one I feel like a strong, swift horse Academic beast…
Judah Smith, devout Christian student from Tennessee, heard about the coming of today’s Rapture from a man with a long beard and impeccable physique while scrolling on TikTok last week. Judah, a…
I had been rooting against Jimmy Kimmel for years. Especially during the award show years. The Oscars were ruined back to back years by the most exhaustingly accessible comedian on the face…
Following the recent increases in campus security at Columbia University, Columbia Public Safety has again announced a major change to the checkpoint system around campus. In addition to the existing requirement for…
Dear Class of 2029, Congratulations on Your Admittance to the Most Brutalized Ivy League Student Body! While we looked at almost one hundred applications from all over the world [i.e, from one…
A’walkin round in Lerner, Looking for a treat. Thought: well im close to Ferris, But all they ever have is meat! Chicken, bacon, sausage, pepperoni on their pies, Ferris Booth Commons is…
