The Royal Guard requirements will be strict: each recruit must be under 5’6 in recognition of Columbia’s shortest presidential run. Long live the Baroness! …
Justice Gorsuch. Neil. Nelly. Dad. There is no easy way for me to put this, so I’m just going to come right out and say it. You have a son. It wasn’t…
A new craze is sweeping America’s campuses, concerning both parents and upperclassmen alike: apparently these freshmen never learned how to fucking walk. The phenomenon has been something of a spectacle on Columbia’s…
It was 6:30 p.m. The air was hot, damp, and buzzing with mosquitoes. I had just clocked out of my summer job as a cart girl at a neighborhood golf course. My…
“Another boring day in the kitchen,” Chef Don mumbled to himself as he opened the door to the dining hall. Life is so mundane these days, he thought, and he began to…
Wondering where you’re going to spend those 50 blissful minutes of venting, sweating, shivering, and giggling you enjoy each week in therapy? Don’t worry, research shows that these 3 spots on campus…
Twenty-five years after the last major update of SSOL in 2001 following the .com bubble burst and the concurrent cheapening of software engineer labor, the Registrar’s Office has announced plans to reformat…
Oh, you were at Brooklyn Mirage (pre-serial killer, obvs) bouncing around in a white tank with no bra on? That’s cool. I was trying to catch the B up to Times Square/42nd…
Oh Woozoo, Your blessed blades breathe air within my Brooks dorm room Your swiveling head surveys atop the shoebox, sustaining a subtle breeze that whispers a coo I know it is not…
The Hudson River: home to fish, party cruises, sewage, chemical contamination, and, now, the Columbia College swim test. In a recent change by Columbia administrators, students graduating in 2028 and later will…
