“He just looks so thin and pale in his facestagrams that I knew I had to give him his own mother’s medicine: my famous Latkes!” Marsha said.…
Columbia Economics Department: “The Only Ethical Consumption Under Capitalism is Eating Ass”
Professors in the Columbia Department of Economics confirmed that according to their research, the only product that can be morally consumed under our current economic system is the asshole of an acquaintance.…
“Got a sock,” said Montás in disbelief. “President threw it, and Montás caught it, and Montás—Montás is free.”…
“I probably should have known something was up when I entered and didn’t even check in with a human, just a slimy iPad from 2008.”…
“We’re going all out to ensure that every sad boi finds his sad non-gendered partner this Valentine’s Day.”…
If this journey has taught me anything, it is that I mustn't change who I am to find love with a future Goldman Sachs managing director. Instead, I must transfer to Barnard.…
“I’m an ally. I’m trying to create a better brand for this movement, one that better complies with established grammar rules.”…
The snake is reportedly cash-green and vaguely slimy-looking, with an Apple watch still attached to its body. …
“Robin was such a grinder,” said his roommate Tag Eisenhower CC’ 20. “For as long as I knew him he would put his body through absolute hell simply because he didn’t possess…
He was also spotted with a few of his Lit Hum books in his backpack, a clear indication he is planning to study those too, like a massive dork. …