A Miracle on Campus: This Econ Major Turned into a Snake

MANHATTAN, NY — Reports of a mysterious incident have been circulating across Morningside Heights that economics major Jake Lloyd CC ’20 is now a snake.

Lloyd, previously an English major who apparently came to the decision that he valued his financial future over his creative goals, was seen leaving SIPA on Wednesday afternoon when all of a sudden he dropped what he was carrying, fell to the ground, and began to shrink within his clothes.

“It was super scary, man,” witness Martha Fowler CC ’19 said. “All of a sudden he collapsed, and then we could only see his empty clothes in a pile where he was on the ground. But sure enough, a full snake came crawling out of the arm of his coat.”

Other witnesses have corroborated this story, describing the snake as cash-green and vaguely slimy-looking. Reportedly, Lloyd’s Apple watch was still attached to his body.

A friend of Lloyd’s, Peter Murray, CC ’20, who was walking with him  when the event occurred, told the Fed, “We were just talking about getting lunch when he started growing scales and doubled over.  It was pretty hard to understand him, but it sounded like he was whispering something about whether he could get a Goldman internship without hands to shake.”

Other students have reported seeing a snake matching Lloyd’s description in Lerner Hall, in a line outside the Career Office’s Finance Meet and Mingle event.