Director of Core Curriculum Freed After Catching Bollinger’s Sock


HAMILTON—Roosevelt Montás, director of the Core for the last 10 years, has been freed from his position. This came after he caught President Bollinger’s sock, fulfilling the exit clause of his office-elf contract.

The event took place at the Center for the Core Curriculum, moments before a planned meeting to discuss the trajectory of the Core in the coming years. Bollinger had stepped in a puddle outside Hamilton and took off his socks to aerate his feet. He carelessly tossed them over his shoulder without knowing Montás was right behind him.

However, when he called for Montás to start the meeting, he realized what he had done.

“Come, Montás. I said, come.”

But Montás didn’t move. He was holding up Bollinger’s disgusting, slimy sock, and looking at it as though it were a priceless treasure.

“President has given a sock,” said the office-elf in wonderment. “President gave it to Montás.”

“What’s that?” spat Bollinger. “What did you say?”

“Got a sock,” said Montás in disbelief. “President threw it, and Montás caught it, and Montás—Montás is free.”

Montás is now looking for a new occupation, one where he is not treated as a mere office-elf but admired for his unique and charming personality.