Happy Holidays! This is Santa, sending out a mass dispatch to all your little munchkins — naughty and nice — around the globe. We at the North Pole get a lot of…
This week, major firms including JPMorganChase, Goldman Sachs, and Morgan Stanley have begun their full-time hiring process for university students graduating in 2046. This move should come as no surprise, as students…
Santa Claus has recently been accused by United Elf Workers, one of the North Pole’s largest labor unions, of threatening to cut the wages and benefits of elves disseminating union related material…
For decades, the NORAD Santa Tracker has embodied the transparency and honesty of the United States government. Initially, I believed that the tracker’s democratic access to modern military technology, used to follow…
In the wake of myriad changes to the government and general functioning of the nation made by the Trump Administration, President Donald Trump has announced a modification to the fifty-star American flag,…
In a shocking turn of events, President Donald Trump has been spotted at a Washington, D.C. chapter of Young Democratic Socialists of America (YDSA). This came as a surprise to most, as…
Epic brother Halloweekend plans were tragically disrupted for Alpha Smegma brothers this weekend. Brothers were led to believe by local news reports that there was going to be a huge amount of…
After trick-or-treating wrapped up this October 31, kids across the country gathered around and dumped their pillow cases out on the carpet, eager to sort through their candies and take stock of…
Many Columbia graduates find themselves pursuing professions in the startup space after graduation. One intrepid student “stumbled upon” what he described as a “mind-blowing” opportunity when he was offered a position at…
Every day, approximately 800 foreign policy nerds go in and out of the brand new, ultra-efficient SIPA elevators. With one minute of waiting saved per student, the school has amassed a collective…
