"Society makes people bad, but more like, cheat-on-your-spouse bad – not Sean-level bad."…
"Let me bury my secrets deep inside that expensive leather man-bag you keep strapped to your lanky midwestern frame."…
"I had no idea how much regionalist scorn I was in for when I ordered the classic BUSHDID9/11 and mozzarella panini from Hamilton Deli."…
"You simple fool, you can’t even fathom the mistakes you make."…
"I am an only child—and yet, the grill is their favorite member of the family."…
"Finally, I will be able to experience the sensation I’ve so far only been able to shabbily imitate with an Oculus Rift and six inches of metal piping."…
"I didn’t choose to want to fuck Paul Ryan. It’s just the way I am."…
"Sorry to disappoint, Mom, but I’m not just some fucking sell-out conformist like you!"…
"The New Yorker spells out for me exactly how I should behave and what I should desire."…
"I’m sure this news will be met with disappointment."…
