Op-Ed: My Shoelaces Aren’t The Same Length (And Other Problems We Need To Talk About)

Graphic by Amanda Ba

Graphic by Amanda Ba

I should have been more careful lacing them up. I should have taken my time. But I didn’t, and now my left Bean boot is too tight and my right Bean boot is too loose and goddamn. I take them out, try to re-lace, but the laces are set in their ways: they’re all bended, and now it’s over. I’ll just have to suffer. Can you feel my pain?

Planet Earth II Might Feature a Jaguar Eating a Dog

Look, I’m going to be honest on this one: I don’t know how the sequence ended. But what I do know is that midway through the sixth episode, “Cities,” the cameras track some jaguars in an Indian city that are trying to hunt stray dogs. I’m not quite sure the predators were actually jaguars, or that there were more than one, or that it took place in India, but what I am sure of is that some big-ass cat was trying to eat innocent dogs. I don’t want to watch that. No one does. Who thought that was a good idea for a segment? And I can’t even finish the episode now, because I don’t even want to fast forward through a dog being attacked. Christ in heaven.

Relatedly, My Own Dog Keeps Hogging the TV Room Chair

She’s less than two feet long and weighs barely 11 pounds. How does she weasel her way into covering up the whole chair? And why can’t I make myself move her? Are human beings really so weak that a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel can dominate the household? Is it just me?

Impending North Korean Nuclear Annihilation

You get the gist on this one.

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