Op-Ed: I Have a Summer Internship

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With all the craziness going on in the world right now, I think it’s high time we all stop to recognize that I have a summer internship. If you missed the description on my LinkedIn, basically what I’m doing is assisting the Vice Head Associate Partner’s Social Media Assistant at Tommy Hilfiger. 

I’m gaining so many valuable work skills here, such as Creativity, which my dad endorsed on LinkedIn, and Wearing Pencil Skirts and H&M Blazers, which no one has endorsed yet but the doorman looks at my ass in the pencil skirt every day so that’s pretty close. 

When you have a summer internship, there is a rare vitality and jubilance upon awaking every morning that comes from being better than all your close friends. Everyone should have a right to that feeling; I believe it now more than ever. Every one of us deserves life, love, and a summer internship. 

In fact, it occurred to me today that there are probably people in this crazy world who don’t have summer internships. I used to just assume they hadn’t updated their LinkedIns yet. But ever since this new realization, I’ve been inspired to relentlessly brag so fucking hard about my internship in the humble hopes of motivating them. 

Just in case this helps too, I have decided to ban anyone who doesn’t have a summer internship from dating me. You can still look at my ass in the pencil skirt though.