When I found a pair of wire-framed glasses on the floor of JJ’s last Thursday night, I knew I was about to deceive you bitches. When I pressed my thumb against those…
For decades, the NORAD Santa Tracker has embodied the transparency and honesty of the United States government. Initially, I believed that the tracker’s democratic access to modern military technology, used to follow…
To the Bwog Editorial Board, Please accept this correspondence as a formal notice to immediately cease and desist all requests for a sequel to “‘Pressed’ Up: A Fed x Spec Fanfiction.” Your…
HEY! Hey, you there! Don’t flip to the next page, WAIT! I’m Little Gregory, and I’m stuck inside The Fed’s printing press. I know, I know, from the rest of the paper,…
Apparently this is going to get me “canceled” or whatever, but I’m not afraid. Yeah, I’ll admit it: I waited till my roommate was asleep, grabbed him by the ankle, opened the…
It was a courtesy invitation, and I hadn’t even sent it; Columbia did, without even checking if I wanted to see my parents again this soon. Last time my dad came to…
It’s that time of year again. What do you call it? Spooky season? Heh. How simple. For me, the spookiness can’t be confined to one corner of the year, much less Halloween…
Last week, I found myself at the end of my rope. The excitement of my newly-finalized PoliSci minor was dampened by my inability to answer a cold call from former University President…
With a Social Media Editor, Publisher, and many other similar-sounding roles at The Fed, people often wonder what I do. I like to consider myself a popular loner. I don’t choose what…
It’s public knowledge that Columbia over-admitted the class of 2029. And yeah, we love our freshmen, with their blissful innocence, not yet having lost that new college student twinkle in their eye.…
