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Claire Shipman

Articles/Claire Shipman/On Campus

Updated Guidelines State ICE Allowed to Enter University Buildings If They ‘Guess the Secret Password’

by Inica Kotasthane
February 27, 2026

In response to the illegal abduction of a student by the Department of Homeland Security on Monday morning, President Shipman released revised guidelines for Columbia Residential staff and Public Safety officers. Among…

Articles/Claire Shipman/Sports/World

Claire Shipman Spotted Partying with US Men’s Hockey Team 

by Lyali Shaikh
February 24, 2026

After FBI Director Kash Patel was seen in Milan partying with the US Men’s Hockey Team following their historic win at the Olympics, eagle-eyed viewers spotted another familiar face in the background…

Articles/Books/Claire Shipman/World

Shipman and Fiancee to Star in Heated Rivalry Spinoff

by Matthias Pridgeon
February 13, 2026February 8, 2026

In this economy, desperate job applicants are often forced to apply skills to areas they may not have initially expected. Skills in the humanities might be applied to work in a coffeeshop,…

Articles/Claire Shipman/Health and Fitness/On Campus

Columbia Student Stuck Straddling Butler Columns in Free Solo Attempt After Watching Alex Honnold Climb Taipei 101

by Federalist Staff
February 13, 2026February 12, 2026

Early Sunday evening, an unidentified Columbia student took to Butler library, aiming to scale the limestone facade a mere 20 hours after watching Alex Honnold free solo one of the tallest skyscrapers…

Articles/Breaking News/Claire Shipman

Columbia Moves University Commencement to Other Side of the Fucking Moon

by Inica Kotasthane
February 10, 2026

On the afternoon of February 9, Claire Shipman announced via Instagram Live that the 2026 University Commencement would be moved to “the other side of the fucking moon” citing “cost restrictions” and…

Articles/Business/Claire Shipman

Claire Shipman to Rent Out Butler Architrave to Big Corporations for Extra Funding

by Sylvia Lipsyte
December 8, 2025December 4, 2025

We all know the infamous Butler Library architrave—engraved with the names of dead, white dudes who chiseled the literary canon and the “examination of the human condition” into what it is today,…

Articles/Claire Shipman/Politics

Claire Shipman Announces New Constitution Lighting Ceremony

by Beau Gantz
December 2, 2025December 2, 2025

After rows of College Walk trees were torn down last semester, the fate of Columbia’s annual tree-lighting ceremony has been uncertain. That is, until Interim President Shipman announced a new tradition to…

Articles/Claire Shipman/Politics

Claire Shipman Haunted by the Ghost of $200 Million

by Beau Gantz
October 27, 2025October 22, 2025

It came to me in the middle of the night. I heard a rattling outside the window of my penthouse suite at the top of Low Library. I struck upright in bed…

Articles/Claire Shipman/Opinion

Shipman and Her Fiancée: Innocent Lesbian Love or Strategic Power Play?

by Inica Kotasthane
September 7, 2025September 7, 2025

Various reputable news sources have reported that Acting University President Claire Shipman is engaged to former soccer player Kati Jo Spisak. Yes, they are both women. Yes, we are also surprised. But,…

Articles/Breaking News/Claire Shipman/On Campus

Columbia Announces Class of 2025 as Last Graduating Class Ever

by Inica Kotasthane
June 30, 2025July 2, 2025

Given the recent announcement by the US Department of Education that Columbia University no longer meets accreditation standards, President Shafik Armstrong Shipman (or whoever we’re on now) has confirmed that the recently…

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