Whence this takeout is I think I know. To me those doors are now closed though; No one will see me stopping here To watch John Jay pile up with snow. My…
When asked by Federalist reporters about her dedication to clean eating, Woods replied, “My body is a temple. It’s important to respect it by avoiding harmful products.” She then whipped out a…
Gone are the days of performance evaluations and career fairs. Now, I focus on ensuring my Sim prepares a Michelin star meal every night for her breadwinning husband.…
To whomever is reading this: I am a cold, soggy-ass, lonely fucking slice of chickpea pizza. I was “baked” on March 10th (originally frozen a year prior). I used to gleefully bask…
Jensen had been frequenting JJ’s since his first semester at Columbia, when the smell of greasy, heart attack-inducing food lured him from his John Jay single at 4 A.M.…
Following President Lee Bolligner’s announcement that the Fall semester will be fully online, Columbia Dining has unveiled a brand new, virtual dining plan to keep milking accommodate students who will not return…
Ben and Jerry, wherever you are, I am requesting a threesome. Get your humanitarian asses out of Vermont and to my apartment PRONTO.…
Today, the Fed presents a lesson in biology from the newly unearthed “Orange Diaries” of Charles Darwin.…
