Charles Darwin’s “On the Oranges of Species”

Today, the Fed presents a lesson in biology from the newly unearthed “Orange Diaries” of Charles Darwin. These meditations seem to have occupied the man to an even greater degree than his work with finches, and represent a completely revolutionary way of viewing the remarkable species of the orange. 

1. Meet the parent oranges, the navel subspecies.

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2. Here are their offspring oranges. Clearly, the parent oranges have been keeping busy during quarantine.

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3. The parent oranges’ skin was violently peeled off before the fruit was ground into a mixture of flesh and blood for humans to drink in the morning. Yum!

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4. Uncle Orange spent too much time tanning on vacation.

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5. Aunt Orange is still sour that Uncle Orange did not take her on vacation with him.

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6. Alcoholic Uncle Orange whose sole purpose in life is Gin & Tonics.

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7. Arrogant and xenophobic Grandpa Orange.

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8. Cousin Orange, who was tried for murder.

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9. French Cousin Orange who chain smokes, strikes every Saturday, and charges too much for mobile data.

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10. Pretty Californian Aunt Orange is so beautiful that the locals renamed the whole region in her honour.

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11. Famous Cousin Orange who has a track with Eminem. The haters said oranges can’t rhyme!

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12. The Orange deity from which all oranges believe they are descended. According to the oranges’ religious scripture, you are not allowed to look directly at it. In fact, that was the oranginal sin committed by an orange in the Garden of Eden. This is why all oranges are destined to rot or to be turned into orange juice. 

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