Columbia Announces Student’s Friend’s Cousin’s Barber’s Niece is Competing in the Winter Olympics

Columbia has announced that Jen Smith, a student’s friend’s cousin’s barber’s niece, will be competing in the 2022 Winter Olympics as an alternate for the fiftieth alternate on the US Men’s Ice Cocky Team.

The Federalist caught up with Bella Hindes (CC’24), Smith’s aunt’s client’s cousin’s friend, as she was leaving Butler yesterday and had the chance to ask her for some inside information. Hindes said this about Smith:

“Um, she’s totally sick. My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s dog walker heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw her do a kick-flip at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it’s pretty serious.”