Max Rosenberg | The Columbia Federalist | Page 2

Columbia's Only Newspaper That Wears a Bikini with a Full Bush

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Max Rosenberg

On Campus

Freshman Reading Whole Iliad Like He Has No Bullshitting Skills or Something

by Max Rosenberg
August 23, 2016November 6, 2021

He appears convinced that he will need an actual knowledge of the text.…

World

BREAKING: Trump Pledges to Name Guy Fieri Head of the FDA

by Max Rosenberg
August 19, 2016November 6, 2021

America is riding a one-way bus to Flavortown,…

World

Wardrobe Malfunction Exposes Ted Cruz’s Bare Face on National Television, Shocking Millions

by Max Rosenberg
July 20, 2016November 6, 2021

No one was prepared for the full-frontal shot.…

World

David Cameron Pilfers Little Bottle of Shampoo Before Checking Out of 10 Downing Street

by Max Rosenberg
July 14, 2016November 6, 2021

Eyewitnesses claim that Cameron also stopped by the kitchen to swipe several croissants "for the road."…

On Campus

Columbia Will Replace Diplomas With Eviction Notices

by Max Rosenberg
May 11, 2016November 11, 2021

"We're just asking you to divert your $60,000 per year towards rent."…

On Campus

Following Harvard, Columbia Bans Fraternities and Sororities

by Max Rosenberg
May 8, 2016November 11, 2021

The decision was mourned by prefrosh looking forward to getting drenched in Bud Light and other students' sweat.…

World

Ted Cruz Drops Out of Race to Spend Less Time With His Family

by Max Rosenberg
May 4, 2016November 11, 2021

"After enduring a six month family road trip, you can imagine how much we all hate each other."…

On Campus

After 139 Years, Spectator Reveals It Has Been Satire All Along

by Max Rosenberg
May 4, 2016November 11, 2021

The Odyssey Online is likely also a massive farce.…

World

Salmon Shorts Will Go Extinct By 2025 Due to Overconsumption, Scientists Say

by Max Rosenberg
April 27, 2016November 11, 2021

Man-made pollutants, like Ray-Bans and Keystone Light, caused the species to mutate into even more hideous pastel shades.…

On Campus

Cute Little Prospie Believes Average Class Size Is 15

by Max Rosenberg
April 21, 2016November 11, 2021

He's also excited for the flood of accessible research opportunities and reduced-price Broadway tickets.…

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