Cute Little Prospie Believes Average Class Size Is 15


CARMAN HALL – Current students longed to smother prospective student Sam Weinberg in hugs after he said that he “really loved” the fact that the average class size at Columbia is fifteen students.

“It was just so cute,” said Sonya Smith CC ’18.  “It won’t be long until he’s passed out in a 400-person lecture. I hope no one ruins his innocence until then.”

Other students were dismayed by Weinberg’s naivety.  “He probably thinks that admissions pamphlets are non-fiction.  Does he also believe that all of our classes are held sitting cross-legged in a circle outside Hamilton?,” said Nathan Brown CC ’17.  “The only classes with 15 kids are 300-person lectures that people just stop going to by the second week.”

Weinberg, who intends to pursue a triple major in economics, mathematics, and computer science, additionally explained that he was excited for the accessible research opportunities and reduced-price Broadway tickets that he would have all the time at Columbia. According to multiple witnesses, Weinberg also declared his intention to explore the city several times each weekend.