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Laura Rosenbury

Articles/Barnard/Laura Rosenbury

Rosenbury Hires Etsy Witch to Quell Criticism

by Federalist Staff
October 27, 2025October 20, 2025

It’s no secret that Barnard’s very own President Rosenbury has been the subject (read: creator) of quite a few scandals. Faithful to her stifling approach to governance, her approach to free speech…

Articles/Barnard/Laura Rosenbury

President Rosenbury Spotted in First Year Writing

by Ava Lyon-Sereno and Sophia Mariano
October 27, 2025October 20, 2025

Sloppy ballet escapades notwithstanding, President Laura Rosenbury is fearlessly taking on another Barnard class: First Year Writing. Spotted by several eagle-eyed students, she was noticed sneaking into Finding Your Voice: Opinion Writing…

Articles/Barnard/Laura Rosenbury

Barnard Mass Lay-Offs Dictated by Rosenbury’s New Initiative, DOBE

by Inica Kotasthane
July 31, 2025September 4, 2025

On the morning of July 31, Barnard President Laura Rosenbury announced the layoffs of 77 non-instructional positions at the College, citing the need for “staff restructuring.” In a newly released statement, Rosenbury…

Articles/Barnard/Laura Rosenbury/On Campus

Barnard’s New Ethics Reporting Hotline Receives Flood of Reports About President Rosenbury

by Inica Kotasthane and Ava Lyon-Sereno
April 18, 2025April 18, 2025

Do you like being an annoying little jerk à la Home Alone (1990)? Were you the kid that reminded the teacher about homework at the end of class? Well if you’re also…

Articles/Arts and Culture/Barnard/Laura Rosenbury

Shane Dawson to Release ‘Docuseries’ Redeeming Barnard’s Laura Rosenbury

by Federalist Staff
March 31, 2025March 31, 2025

After recent backlash due to the arrest and expulsion of multiple students alongside the forwarding of an unsuccessful Op-Ed via email, President Rosenbury has agreed to team up with YouTuber Shane Dawson…

Articles/Barnard/Laura Rosenbury/On Campus

Rosenbury Finds Misplaced $252 Million Dollars Behind Couch

by Fenway Donegan and Bayan Shimizu
March 31, 2025March 31, 2025

“Lmao, my bad y’all,” Announces Barnard President Reporting that she “felt really bad about this,” and that “it’s always in the last place you look,” Barnard President Laura Rosenbury announced that she…

Articles/Arts and Culture/Barnard/Breaking News/Laura Rosenbury/Style

Breaking: Barnard’s Cause of $250 Debt Revealed By Rosenbury’s MASSIVE SHEIN HAUL

by Dani Rivera
March 31, 2025September 27, 2025

Following months of budget cuts and protests against a controversial college President, it was revealed that the College’s whopping $250 million dollars of debt was caused by none other than President Laura…

Articles/Barnard/Laura Rosenbury

Laura Rosenbury on Retaking Ballet I This Semester: “Oh, Let’s Make Fun of the Girl Who Took a Risk and Put Herself Out There Creatively”

by Reza Shayesteh
March 25, 2025March 25, 2025

After taking Ballet I at Barnard last semester, President Rosenbury has reportedly been seen auditing the intro class yet again this semester. Though she had hoped to move onto Ballet II after…

Articles/Barnard/Food and Drink/Laura Rosenbury/On Campus

Rosenbury Reveals She Told Protestors the Margarita She Was Sipping in Miami Was ‘Da Bomb,’ Apologizes for Confusion

by Federalist Staff
March 8, 2025March 22, 2025

Shortly after Pro-Palestinian protestors occupied Milstein Library, the entire building was evacuated due to an alleged “bomb threat.” Many have been looking dubiously upon the nature of this threat, which some believe…

Articles/Breaking News/Laura Rosenbury/On Campus/Science and Technology

BREAKING: Barnard Roaches Found with Listening Devices amidst Free Speech Crackdown

by Dani Rivera
October 28, 2024September 27, 2025

An increasing number of Bold, Beautiful, Bugs have been crawling on Barnard’s campus and residential halls, with Sidechat and your local suite group chat blowing up after each spotting. As always, the…

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