Hey girlies! Just wanted to invite you guys to my place for a little brunch on February 13th! I’m making French toast and mimosas, so come on over! But remember! No fucking…
By Ivy Drinken So you want to start drinking without looking like a total idiot, huh? Never fear, first years (or losers), this guide is for you! When that hot guy at…
In response to the December 5th, 2025 trespass on Barnard’s 616 residence hall, the CARES Community Safety team appointed a new Security Chief Alpha, 6’3 former-CEO Hugh G. Thruster. Recent survey reports…
Following his unprecedented loss in the New York City mayoral election, Republican nominee and local icon Curtis Sliwa has announced his next venture: serving as a nude model for Columbia University art…
I truly can’t wait for my suite’s traditional Secret Santa. My roommates and I do it all together every year: drinking hot cocoa, playing Mariah Carey on vinyl, and exchanging presents to…
On election night, New Yorkers rejoiced in the victory of Democratic candidate Zohran Mamdani as the city’s next mayor-elect. After the terror of Andrew Cuomo’s gubernatorial reign and former mayor Eric Adams’…
In a move intended to provide jobs to those most in need, mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani has announced that he will be hiring Republican nominee Curtis Sliwa as the city’s Crazy Uncle, and…
As an exciting new season approaches, beloved coffee chain Joe Coffee has decided to venture into innovative new corners of the coffee business. Instead of their usual winter menu items, they have…
The Department of Public Safety was informed that on Friday, December 5th, 2025, at approximately 11:30 p.m., a suspicious person was identified at 2940 Broadway Hall. The individual is male presenting and…
