Startup Offers Donut Giveaway on Campus in Exchange for Students’ Souls

With the start of another academic year, student-led startups have been popping up all over Columbia’s campus, promising unsuspecting and hungry undergrads the melting glazed donut of their dreams if they sign up for their new app. However, according to recent Fed discoveries, Satan has found that these interactions are the perfect way to trick eager freshmen into some low-stakes demonic contracts. “Yeah,” Lucifer told the Fed, “I just bought a twelve-pack of baked goods from MoWilly, got a folding table, and the next thing you know I have undergrads lined up to sign blood pacts. Way easier than the whole ‘money, riches, fame’ thing I usually have to pull out to get those innocent virginal souls!” During our investigation, one student confessed that they didn’t even have a soul anymore since they declared their Business major, so Satan may actually be getting a pretty bad deal.