“Lmao, my bad y’all,” Announces Barnard President Reporting that she “felt really bad about this,” and that “it’s always in the last place you look,” Barnard President Laura Rosenbury announced that she…
I was running late to class, and I needed to get to Hamilton as quickly as possible. I went through the 114th entrance to campus, and put my hand through the tarp…
Stunned sources at the latest Columbia Federalist meeting reported that the most recent pitch for the upcoming issue was clearly a thinly disguised attempt to air out the writer’s recent trauma. Inside…
In a stunning development that some are calling a “constitutional crisis,” Mayor Eric Adams has recently entered a plea of “I Know You Are, But What Am I” in exchange for the…
Following months of budget cuts and protests against a controversial college President, it was revealed that the College’s whopping $250 million dollars of debt was caused by none other than President Laura…
Every year, Bacchanal selects a mid rap artist that no one has ever heard of to headline. Until now. This year, they have announced a rap artist that everyone has heard of…
After over a year of protests, some of which targeted the famous Alma Mater statue which stands at the base of Low Library, the Columbia University administration has proposed ambitious plans to…
Upon returning from club lacrosse practice, Kyle Reynolds CC ’27 reportedly made white rap history when he dumped his equipment inconveniently in his suite’s common space, whipped out his Spotify Premium account,…
After weeks of public pressure from conservatives in Washington, Barnard has announced revisions to its admissions policies that will rapidly integrate men into the college. Following similar announcements from the College of…
Dear members of the Columbia Community, Throughout the course of this academic year, the challenges we face are no secret. Uncertainty has been and continues to be, and will continue to be…
