"If anything, data suggests that these little fuckers are actually getting dumber with every passing year.”…
"Remember the fallen comrades in classes with an undergraduate-determined curve."…
Moving one’s bowels is like real estate—it’s all about location, location, location!…
"There are still some holdouts who experience brief moments of fleeting happiness."…
Look! It's a cloud of buzz words!…
"It is not just a pathetic excuse for a meal; it is an affront to the values upheld by our well-nourished Founding Fathers."…
"I don’t pay nearly $70,000 a year to go more than a week without being offended."…
"I've never met more flabby human beings, except for every other semester I've taught here."…
"The post-war resurgence of female domesticity? That’s my aesthetic. And, oh my god, Republican Motherhood? Now that’s a deep cut."…
"I was ordered to teach a class of 18-year-old little shits some easy beach reads, like the Iliad and To the Fucking Lighthouse."…
