‘Twas the night before my midterm, when all through the floor The athletes were stirring, those terrible whores. Their mouths pierced the restful reading room with flair, In hopes that one and…
I _______________________ do hereby agree to be friends with __________________________. In signing this document, each friend agrees: *This rule does not apply when either party is intoxicated. x ____________________________________________ Ex-Turned-Friend One x…
There was a gland. I am that gland. I work all day, all night. A rueful life, I know I’m damned I’ve no hope of respite. Ev’ry wipe brings pitiful pain. I…
Which Chef Mike’s Sub are you? Choose a team to root for. Eagles Ferrari in F1 Miracle on Ice in 1980 New England Patriots Whatever the people around me are doing 🥺…
Dear Class of 2029, Congratulations on Your Admittance to the Most Brutalized Ivy League Student Body! While we looked at almost one hundred applications from all over the world [i.e, from one…
toothbrush tussle: NOUN, a battle between two people at a communal bathroom sink over who can brush for longer and therefore be better and smarter and win at life I don’t exactly…
I walked into Ferris looking for a delectable treat, but nothing caught my eye save for some mystery meat! Given the cleanliness — heck, there’s even a new floor!! I figured it…
