Columbia’s Only Newspaper That Mates For Life

  • Latest Issue
  • Join The Cult
  • About
    • About
    • Masthead
    • Contact Us
  • Articles
    • On Campus
    • Arts and Culture
    • Food and Drink
    • Health and Fitness
    • Politics
    • Opinion
    • Fedvestigations
    • Advice
  • Cartoons
  • Support The Fed
  • Games
    • Crosswords

Shawn Kathuria

Advice/Articles/Arts and Culture

Inspiring: I asked the Falun Gong Table What Time It Was and Now I’m a Shen Yun Principal Dancer

by Shawn Kathuria
February 13, 2026February 5, 2026

MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN— I want to be clear, I don’t know how to dance. Or at least I didn’t before. I have no rhythm. I have no flexibility—only a yearning to spread…

Articles/Food and Drink/On Campus

Finally: Columbia Dining to Switch to Raw Milk

by Shawn Kathuria
February 13, 2026February 6, 2026

MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN — Columbia Dining has announced that, effective immediately, it will aim to exclusively serve raw milk in place of all other liquid dairy products in an effort to comply…

Articles/Opinion/Science and Technology

Poll: 0% Of SEAS Defense Interns Report Working On Weapons

by Shawn Kathuria
February 13, 2026February 12, 2026

MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN — In a triumphant display of engineering ethics, a new poll conducted at SEAS has shown that 0% of students who have interned at defense contractors even considered that…

Articles/Food and Drink/On Campus

China Reports Nationwide Bao Shortage, Cites ‘Unsustainable Demand’ from John Jay Dining Hall

by Shawn Kathuria
October 27, 2025October 19, 2025

MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, NY — On Tuesday, the Chinese Ministry of Commerce announced that a severe nationwide shortage of bao buns has emerged, citing “unsustainable levels of consumption traced to Columbia University’s John…

Articles/Breaking News/On Campus/Politics

Not This Again: Hillary Clinton Accidentally Emails Classified Material to Entire SIPA Listserv

by Shawn Kathuria
October 27, 2025October 20, 2025

MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN: This past Monday, when students in Columbia’s School of International and Public Affairs (SIPA) awoke to check their inboxes, instead of the usual slurry of job rejections and political…

Articles/Business

Cutting the Red Tape: Columbia Touts Impressive 720:1 Administrator-to-Student Ratio

by Shawn Kathuria
September 29, 2025September 28, 2025

MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN: In a move being hailed as a triumph of efficiency, Columbia announced in a press release this morning that its Administrator-to-Student ratio has reached a historic 720:1. According to…

Articles/On Campus/Science and Technology

Heartbreaking: Duo Security Will Now Include CAPTCHA, Retinal Scan

by Shawn Kathuria
September 25, 2025September 23, 2025

In a recent press release, Columbia University Information Technology (CUIT) announced that in the coming days, the current two-factor Duo Security system will be revamped to a cutting-edge four-factor authentication that will…

© 2025 – all rights reserved.

  • Home
  • About
  • Masthead

  • Latest Issue
  • Join The Cult
  • About
    • About
    • Masthead
    • Contact Us
  • Articles
    • On Campus
    • Arts and Culture
    • Food and Drink
    • Health and Fitness
    • Politics
    • Opinion
    • Fedvestigations
    • Advice
  • Cartoons
  • Support The Fed
  • Games
    • Crosswords