“The tradition of shiny-headed baldness among our sandwich makers is a long and storied one at Milano Market."…
"In the absence of any real personality, our midwestern students sometimes struggle to find their niche on campus, and must resort to misguidedly boasting about their native climate." …
"President Bollinger has already announced a rare Monday holiday to commemorate the student's brave achievement."…
"Why go to the bathroom when I can relieve myself right in the NoCo chair I’ve nested in for the past 13 days?”…
"He also harassed passing male pigeons, asking if they would be his wing men."…
"It’s typically expected that those of a more conservative persuasion will look towards some one-room schoolhouse on the prairie, like Dartmouth.”…
"If I need to choose between cultural sensitivity and blacking out in an 'I Put the Double D’s in St. Paddy’s Day' crop top, pour me a shot.”…
"It is not just a pathetic excuse for a meal; it is an affront to the values upheld by our well-nourished Founding Fathers."…
Captives have been forced to declare their devotion to a handy tooth hygiene guide.…
“We’ve made a 10-part slideshow to explain the school’s decision, and it will BLOW. YOUR. MIND.”…
