In the wake of Donald Trump’s landslide victory in the 2024 presidential election, many of us have leveraged our shock and outrage into speculation. There has been furious debate online about which…
Dear Madame Vice President, Heyyyy girly! We know you’ve been having A Week. Shots on us whenever you’re ready to talk, but in the meantime, have a playlist! Sincerely, The Fed 10.…
Come one! Come all! Hear ye this tale of woe, and depart with a new hack for this dreadful winter season. A fortnight ago, ‘twas shiveringly cold in my dormitory. I tossed…
To the girl who sits in front of me in my Intro to Art History lecture, I am so grateful that you still think that if the brightness on your laptop is…
New reports confirm that Barron Trump, in an attempt to juice up the attendance for his freshman-year birthday party at NYU, has proclaimed that one lucky partygoer will be selected to serve…
Columbia’s annual tree lighting is a cherished tradition to students and faculty alike. This year, make sure you’re there in person when the big moment comes. Administration has rearranged the schedule to…
One of the most important roles of a Columbia professor is to misrepresent facts to indoctrinate students into socialist, America-hating, pink-haired freaks. This is not only a part of their job description,…
One thing about my parents, my lovely, caring, generous parents, is that they’ve put a lot of time and effort into my education. They put me in all the best schools growing…
Cuffing season worked, and now you have a girlfriend for the holidays. It would be wonderful, the only problem is she wants you to meet her family… at Thanksgiving… in the Midwest.…
In the days of Katrina Armstrong, Interim President of Columbia, an angel of the Lord appeared to Mary in an email, and spoke to her, announcing : “Dear advisees, I hope your…
