Frustrated with the forty-minute delay, a man on the 12:20 flight from Chicago O’Hare to JFK reportedly saved the day by losing his temper with the gate attendant. “What do you mean…
Columbia Dining recently announced a new initiative to take pressure off of campus dining halls during peak hours—Hooda Halal will now accept meal plan dining swipes. “The popularity of Hooda among the…
Upon returning from club lacrosse practice, Kyle Reynolds CC ’27 reportedly made white rap history when he dumped his equipment inconveniently in his suite’s common space, whipped out his Spotify Premium account,…
Saw you as I was power-walking to Diana before class to get a burrito bowl. Couldn’t take my eyes off your oxidized green tunic (retro chic!), or your adorable bob (also green).…
As spring semester has started to kick into gear, students have already begun to grumble about the workload building up. None are more vocal than local junior, Ann O. Ying, who has…
We’ve all been there: your big-name university president made an oopsie or two, and now you’re scrambling for a new one at the last minute. What’s a board of trustees to do?…
Call me a crotchety old geezer if you like, but this newest generation is too soft. Ever since this latest “climate change” fad hit the streets, freshmen aren’t wiping out on the…
It’s that time of year again… your Butler crush has seen you in full cruddy midterms glory, that one JJs guy knows you by name, and your fall wardrobe is in free-fall…
Midterm season is upon us, and the ennui hangs thicker in the air than the scent of Dig Inn on 113th and Broadway. As you try to ignore the first caress of…
To all my wanton degenerates of Barnumbia, If you have felt a complete lack of vim, vigor, sex appeal, or any other ~lustful~ emotions since returning to campus, have no fear: I,…
