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Matthias Pridgeon

Articles/Books/On Campus

Columbia Freshmen Construct Trojan Horse Outside Broadway Gates

by Matthias Pridgeon
December 8, 2025November 24, 2025

Following their mandated reading of the Sparknotes for Homer’s Iliad in their LitHum classes, several freshmen have found some modern thematic resonance that was most certainly not on the administration’s approved thought…

Articles/Books/On Campus

Columbia Sweatshirt Store to Continue Selling Books

by Matthias Pridgeon
December 8, 2025November 24, 2025

Continuing their multi-year saga of controversial decisions, Columbia’s administration has recently announced that their famed merch store will, shockingly, continue to sell books. The store, which sprawls below the basement of Lerner…

Articles/On Campus

Butler Stacks Haunted by Mysterious ‘Moaning’

by Matthias Pridgeon
October 27, 2025October 18, 2025

The Butler stacks, one of Columbia’s few study spots that students can occasionally find a seat in without fighting a life or death battle, was recently reported to be receiving visitors of…

Articles/On Campus

International Students “Forget” Parents’ Campus Passes

by Matthias Pridgeon
October 27, 2025October 20, 2025

In a less-than-ideal start to Parents’ Weekend, this Friday morning, campus’ Broadway gates endured a vicious mob of furious parents from all across the world. Enraged shouting in Cantonese, Mandarin, Russian, Hindi,…

Articles/Business/Health and Fitness/On Campus

Anxious Columbia Student Signs Sponsorship Deal with Lorazepam

by Matthias Pridgeon
October 26, 2025October 26, 2025

Anita Calmdown, a high achiever majoring in bio (on the pre-med track, of course) and political science (pre-law—as a back up) is paving a new career path for overworked, anxious students; in…

© 2025 – all rights reserved.

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