- Send a risky text to my situationship (wait, can I even call it that yet?): deemed one of the scariest things to do as a college student, I’d risk losing this romantic-esque relationship for a padded resume.
- Lick a sticky John Jay table: regardless of whether it’s sticky from spit, gum, or some other freaky substance, I would brave the loss of aura and the flu to get an internship.
- Get pantsed in the security line at 10:10 am: this spot has the highest foot traffic of all of Columbia. Only the most deserving applicants would voluntarily get pantsed at the 116th gates. (Do I get extra funding if I make direct eye contact with a security guard during the act?)
- Get pantsed on the sundial: instead of being the serenader, the serenadee, or the soon-to-be graduate in my flowing blue gown, I would have this original experience of getting pantsed on the sundial. I hear the views from Low Steps are beautiful at this time of year.
- Coffee chat someone in my grade: bro, we’re the same age, like we were literally born in the same year. Can’t we just hang out and be friends?
- Post a nude on my LinkedIn: #MakeLinkedInFrisky! Life is not all that serious. While I’m at it, I might as well connect with my class acquaintances and professors after my post to show them that I’ve got beauty and brains.
- Network: while this may seem to be the most intuitive step in the cursus honorum of internships, Columbia students generally think that some opportunity will just fall into their lap. If #1 to #6 fail, I’ll repeat the sequence three times before trying this step.
