Inspired by the alleged success of Turning Point USA’s (TPUSA) alternate Super Bowl Halftime Show featuring Kid Rock, TPUSA college chapters around the country have been encouraged to bring the conservative cacophony to their campuses. Columbia’s TPUSA chapter is no exception. Decrying Bacchanal’s “woke culture and embrace of liberal ideologies,” such as normalizing underage alcoholic consumption through “borgs” and featuring POC (people of color) artists, TPUSA @ Columbia announced an alternative “All-American Bacchanal” welcoming POC (pupils of Christ) artists instead.
The Columbia Spectador received a leaked schedule of the event, which will be held on Law Bridge, from a member of TPUSA @ Columbia who thought it was a cool flex. The schedule is as follows:
10:00 AM to 12:00 PM: Wristband pickup at Wien Hall (with Fluffernutter sandwiches, chili dogs, macaroni salad, and Pedialyte)
12:00 PM onwards:
- Opening Ceremony featuring “The National Anthem” performed by the J6 Prison Choir
- “NEWYoL” and “My Uncle Asked Me” by Happy Hare (Bad Bunny’s white counterpart from Plantation, FL)
- “Real Women Vote For Trump” performed by Nicki Minaj
- “Good Lookin’” by Dixon Dallas
- An Erika Kirk-inspired pyrotechnics display synced to “We Are Charlie Kirk” by AI artist Spalexma.
Spectador also received a leaked version of the strict dress code for All-American Bachannal, which dictates that skirts and dresses cannot be over two inches above the ankle, only polo shirts may be worn, shirt sleeves must be at least two fingers thick, and close-toed shoes must be worn with socks only. Any bare shoulders or ankles will result in expulsion and the terrible fate of a lifetime ban from TPUSA @ Columbia events.
Note: There will be a communion pregame held at East Campus by Father Faraday.
