For some members of the Columbia community, going home for the summer means time for rest and relaxation, prestigious internships, trips to Ibi(th)za, or spending time with old friends. But for those of us rural middle America DEI-hires, going home means spending time with farm equipment, Republicans, and parents who are dubious about the hiring prospects in your esoteric liberal arts major.
So some of us elect to stay here in New York, the city that never sleeps! Internships are competitive, though, and only freshmen can get away with being Andy Cohen’s live-in concubines, so some of us have to get creative!
There is a community of people who live in New York City’s subway system, whom the public has lovingly, dehumanizingly deemed “mole” people. A similar community exists during the summer: people who live in Butler Library from June through August. Hundreds strong, these students have everything they need right in Butler!
With Blue Java on the first floor, food is not an issue at all! With so much free time, the Butler mole community has plenty of time to read up on Butler’s most insightful books. This experience is invaluable! Who needs Goldman Sachs? Butler’s extensive polyamorous archeology section is bound to hold the answers to a fruitful career!
Hygiene may be a fear for prospective Butler moles, but don’t worry! At least three wealthy summer pre-college students leave behind a small bottle of hand sanitizer to clean you right up! It’s a hot girl summer! Don’t forget your bottle of dry shampoo that you’ve been using since your senior year of high school, and no one will be able to tell your vague stench from the general aroma of a sticky NYC summer!
