The Higher Your Temperature, the Bigger Your Dick, Says Trump


In a press conference Saturday morning, President Donald Trump told reporters that he had his temperature taken “coming into the room.” A few journalists responded that they, too, were checked upon entry.

“You did? Good. Let’s compare. You want to compare?” the president asked. 

When Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham was asked why the president was so curious about the press corps’ body temperatures, she responded simply, “Oh, the higher your temperature, the more massive your disco stick.”

Sociologists confirmed: “It’s quite normal that a president would want to have a more titanic meat scepter than his reporters. Clinton was constantly whipping out his weiner.”

According to sources close to the President, Pete Baker has repeatedly refused to attend Trump’s post-press briefing dick-measuring-get-togethers. “We’re not even that worried he has Coronavirus, we’re worried his dog is a beast,” a top press official in the administration shared.

After shaking hands with a few Brazilian officials who have since tested positive for Coronavirus (and have confirmed locked n’ loaded copacabanas), Trump revealed that he tested negative for the disease today. However, despite the news of Trump’s average body temperature, his personal doctor confirmed that “The president does have a giant girthy shlong.”