In response to the December 5th, 2025 trespass on Barnard’s 616 residence hall, the CARES Community Safety team appointed a new Security Chief Alpha, 6’3 former-CEO Hugh G. Thruster. Recent survey reports…
Following the first snowfall of the semester, Barnard students have called a petition for the removal of an alleged snowman under the pretense of it being “too heteronormative.” Our sources show the…
As Columbia’s flu season dies down, students now face a new threat to their 8:40 AM LitHum lecture. Several students have reached out to The Fed after witnessing a ghostly TA spirit…
Hey there, Player! Welcome to Five Nights at Dodge, a survival horror simulation where you must endure five grueling weekdays in Satan’s butthole — Columbia’s Dodge Fitness Center. You play as a…
Ever worried that your twentypage paper on feminist intuition or that obnoxious line at the mail room will prevent you from maintaining your lavish bush? Well, fear no longer! Millie the Dancing…
