Last week, 26 teams of SEAS students competed in their annual Cardboard Boat Regatta, also known as their excuse for not taking the swim test. Armed with only cardboard and duct tape, teams were instructed to build boats that could carry any student, even one who’s never seen a body of water before, across Uris Pool. Some boats made it all the way, while others sank where they swam. Most losing teams hung their heads in silence and admitted scientific defeat, but one group of students is angrily calling for a rematch.
“The iceberg came out of nowhere,” ranted CS student Mat H., captain of the now soggy and disheveled Heart of the Pool. “One second I was paddling across the pool, not a drop of water in the boat. The next second, BOOM! I slammed into something; the hull cracked in half, and Celine Dion started blasting over the speakers. You can’t tell me that’s a coincidence!”
The judges scoured Uris Pool for any evidence of the iceberg, but found none. They did, however, find several flaws in the boat’s design that could have contributed to its fate, such as its four nonfunctional smokestacks. When this design detail was questioned, H. angrily retorted, “They completed the look!”
“I don’t know what he’s talking about,” said an anonymous onlooker, “The boat just sank like the others. The tape seal failed, and too much water got in. I didn’t see it hit anything, much less an iceberg.
“That’s the whole point!” shouted Mat H. “You can’t see icebergs; that’s how they get you? Do you think Leo saw the iceberg when he said ‘I’m the king of the world?’” Before I could get a word in response, he cut me off with, “No, of course he didn’t! Who would say ‘I’m the king of the world’ if they knew they were about to hit an iceberg?” I didn’t know what to say after that. He kind of got me there.
