The Justice Department’s release of three million additional files from the Epstein investigation has sent shockwaves through the Columbia community, with the implication of several prominent professors, trustees, and “Center for Well-Being” namesakes. However, none were surprised by the news more than Columbia administrator Frederick O’Phaisle, who reacted to the news of other administrators’ involvement with a deep feeling of FOMO.
“How the hell was everyone getting all these extra vacation days?” O’Phaisle told a Fed reporter, seething with envy. “Sure, I would’ve loved a quick island vacation too, what kind of Columbia trustee in their right mind wouldn’t? But I only get two weeks off each year, there isn’t enough time for that!”
O’Phaisle continued ranting to us, insisting that these files should force Columbia to investigate excessive use of vacation days by faculty and staff, and retroactively rescind their pay: “You know, I sometimes saw Francine take off a few days early, but I never thought much of it. Now I’m pissed, why didn’t she invite me? And Brian, don’t even try to pull that ‘time is relative’ shit – I know you were canceling your office hours to hop on that crosstown bus.”
O’Phaisle continued his tirade, but our Fed reporter was reasonably creeped out and subsequently ended the interview.
