For decades, the NORAD Santa Tracker has embodied the transparency and honesty of the United States government. Initially, I believed that the tracker’s democratic access to modern military technology, used to follow a high-profile and secretive public figure, Santa Claus himself, proved that the government does anything but lie. However, I’ve recently completed an investigation into the NORAD Santa Tracker after discovering many small discrepancies that, when put together, point to a system of mass deception.
Last Christmas Eve, I made sure to do everything Santa liked: I set out a glass of milk and cookies near my fireplace, scattered reindeer feed around my driveway, and strung lights outside my home so there was no chance he would miss me. However, during my annual watch of NORAD’s live updates of Santa’s location, I realized how odd it was that Santa would never leave gifts for me when the tracker showed that he passed over my house. For the millions of deliveries Santa makes across the world, it makes absolutely no sense that he would skip over some homes while delivering presents to others in the same neighborhood. That awful year, I stayed up all night, eyes glued to the screen, quickly losing hope. I felt my Christmas spirit fracture every time NORAD claimed that Santa flew above my house without delivering a gift, nor bellowing his staple “ho ho ho,” nor shaking any jingle bells.
My world shattered that Christmas morning: a family friend uploaded photographs of Santa at my local mall, jolly and smiling for the camera, brave enough to show face even after skipping my home repeatedly. The Santa I know would never do that. This is why I’ve come to the disturbing conclusion that the government isn’t as honest as we’ve all assumed. Admittedly, I’ve been disconnected from recent politics, but I’m confident that any recent news would pale in comparison to my discoveries regarding the corruption of the NORAD Santa Tracker. This “Santa” that the government claims to follow cannot be the same Santa from my childhood. I refuse to believe it.
