Sorry, Middle America. I can’t do this anymore. I need to be where culture is, or whatever Lady Bird said in Lady Bird. That’s an A24 film, by the way. Do you know A24? They did Marcel the Shell with Shoes On. Also, I call them films now. Movies are so pedestrian.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that despite happily spending the first eighteen years of my life in a state with no coastline, these past nine months in New York have changed me. I’m different now. For starters, my blood is 43% dirty martini, 10% cream cheese, and the rest is normal blood stuff, I guess. Yeah, the doctor is really worried. But that’s what it means to live in New York. Everyone has a story to tell, and mine is bagel blood. Life outside the island (aka Manhattan, obvi) is so slow. Everything is so slowwww. New York is different. Nowhere else could I wait 40 minutes in the freezing cold for a weird food popup or to get into a club. And the life here is just so much more diverse than back home. When I get my $7 iced oat milk latte, I see people holding designer bags of all shapes and colors – you can’t get that range of diversity anywhere else! What can I say? New York changes you.
Even within New York, I’m a coastal elite – my dorm room looks over the water! I mean, sure, it’s the water spewing from a broken fire hydrant, but who am I to criticize Mother Nature? I’ve lived in New York for my whole freshman year. I guess this means, yeah, I am better than you. And I’m never leaving. Except until my finals end and my parents pick me up and I go back omg pls no don’t do it pls I can’t take this I forgot how to driiiiiiiiive!!
