The investigative and reportive teams at The Federalist have surfaced from a deep dive into the existence of secret societies at Columbia, digging down past St. A’s, underneath the Nacoms and Sachem, and have uncovered a society so clandestine we don’t even know its name. The society is so esoteric that its meeting room isn’t listed on EMS nor present in any buildings, and so secret that its own members don’t even know it exists. We’ve chased down some of its members for an exclusive interview.*
Joe, President of ???: “Huh? I’m in charge? Of what?”
Sarah, 1st ??? – What’s it called? You don’t know? It’s secret?
Don, 2nd ??? – I took an edible recently and saw a group of people in robes floating in a circle around me. That was real?
Ann, Initiate – I mean, I could have applied; at this point, half of the world has received my resume. Hazing?…they have been skimping on my onions at Chef Don’s recently, was that the hazing?
*Names of interviewees have been changed (we think) because we don’t know them.
