“Good God, it’s a miracle!” one woman screamed as she saw the hundreds upon hundreds of baguettes piled up on Low Steps. “Where is Alma??” shrieked an alarmed freshman before realizing she was buried beneath a behemoth of bread. Various Science Po dual-degree students gathered to lament their beloved and dearly missed homeland, reminded of their past by the scent of fresh baguette. “Yeah Laura, there’s like a thousand baguettes,” said President Claire Shipman, stumbling up the steps. Shipman continued, “No, this isn’t one of my classic Claire pranks, I swear to god, put on your teal jacket and bring your bodyguard over here…I don’t know if they’re fucking authentic, Laura, why does that matter?”
On Tuesday night, Shipman released a statement after students rushed to Low steps to pick up a free baguette, one from the pile of hundreds. “We were shocked to find almost one thousand freshly baked baguettes placed on Low Steps this week. We do not not take pranks like this lightly,” professed Shipman, wiping the crumbs off her top.
Her email ended with a commitment to the safety of students, “The university is actively looking into the perpetrator. We are dedicated to the well-being of our student body, which is why we will have already invested hundreds of thousands of dollars and increased public safety around campus.”
Increased security measures are reportedly likely to include bag searches to ensure that nobody is attempting to sneak in another thousand baguettes inside their Jansport.
