NEW YORK, NY – This morning, The Fed obtained an exclusive report that Columbia senior Hayes Tiu-Reed became the first student on campus to achieve one of their New Year’s Resolutions, with this one coming way ahead of schedule. After reading little more than street signs for the previous 22 years of his life, Tiu-Reed firmly resolved on January 1 that this year he would read more than ever before.
Tiu-Reed didn’t have much of a plan to achieve this goal, and he spent the better part of January putting up a personal record in hours-per-day he spent on Instagram Reels. But, luckily, help soon came from an unexpected source: his roommate, Carlos, who invited him to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory in Queens.
When the hostess set down two hefty spiral-bound menus at the table, naturally Tiu-Reed’s first reaction was to lean over to Carlos and say, “I ain’t reading all that.” However, Tiu-Reed held his tongue, realizing that his resolution (which he had promptly forgotten about on January 2 and had never really intended to complete) looked to be finally within reach. He quickly cracked open the menu and skimmed all (yes, all) 21 pages from front to back.
When our Fed reporters asked Tiu-Reed about the experience, he happily reported that after reading, he could recall at least four menu items, not counting drinks or desserts. He told us he was extremely proud to have met his yearly reading goal so quickly, shattering the previous record he set when he glanced over the Raising Canes menu in 2025.
